Arid Air

Every autumn like the good Mother of Plants I am, I bring in my little darlings to stay cozy during the winter. They reward me by acting like I’m trying to kill them by not allowing them to freeze to death.

I have installed enough plant lights that my living room is as bright as a grocery store. OSHA would be proud. I have the lights on timers to provide hours of quality photosynthesis time. The neighbors probably wake to a bright glow on the horizon at five in the morning and think it’s the rising sun. Nope. It’s just their weird neighbor operating her there’s-no-profit indoor plant nursery.

My plant paradise (or to them, torture chamber) also offers pest control through preventative treatments and regular magnifying glass inspections. That’s right, I bought a magnifying glass solely to inspect my plant leaves. I also use it when I cotton swab rubbing alcohol onto leaves of plants suspected to have scale.

Watering is infrequent, but if any plant appears hydrophobic, they are treated to an afternoon soak for bottom watering. Except the parlor palm. That guy loves to be flooded until water gushes through the bottom, then left to dry out for weeks.

The biggest challenge I have with overwintering plants is humidity. I own a prewar house, which is apparently also pre-insulation and pre-humidity control. My initial foray into houseplants happened because I was trying to raise the humidity to keep my house from spontaneously combusting. Now I have to humidify my house for the plants I bought to humidify my house.

I have a series of humidifiers that look like cute animals, including an elephant that blows steam from his trunk. I also have a less cute but more effective Vornado that can put about two gallons of water into the air daily. They’re effective, but they use water and electricity.

My tried and true method is free – in fact, it might even save you money.

I hang my laundry to dry.

That’s right. I take it out of the washer and put it on a clothes horse. Evaporation! It’s fast, free, and functional. Sometimes, I even put the clothes horse in front of my fireplace, which helps my house become toasty while speeding up drying.

Typically, the humidity in my house rises by 5 to 10 percent from one load of laundry. My dryer usage goes to zero, which is fantastic because one of the top utility costs is dryers. And, most importantly, my plants are happier.

How’s that for green?